Mike Perea
Special to the Valley News
Our daughter always preferred playing outside over watching television.
Ann* liked Boy Bands and had crushes on boys that she shared with her mother, my wife, Cathy. But as our daughter began playing youth soccer and softball, it was sports that she enjoyed the most.
I taught Ann that the fun wasn’t only winning. Fun was also found in the pleasure of the sport. In high school, I ran track and played baseball. I knew that thinking about winning or losing would distract her from the enjoyment of playing.
An athlete, Ann was always picked for “All Stars” in soccer and softball. At the end of her last season in American Youth Soccer Organization, she experienced sports politics. Her coach was starting a second “All Stars” team and asked her to be on it.
She thanked him. “I’m sorry, Coach, but I’ve already committed to the other All-Star team.”
Standing nearby, I overheard her coach say, “I’m the assistant high school coach. I have a lot to say about who makes the team.” Our family didn’t worry. High school was two years away. For those years, she played on club teams in both soccer and softball.
When Ann entered high school, she tried cross-country. She made the varsity team, becoming the lead varsity runner. She set a school record, won the individual league championship, finishing sixth place in the City Championship as a ninth grader. Coaches called our daughter “a coaches’ dream” and “a perfect team player.” The cross-country coach added, “Her heart is bigger than she is.”
Soccer tryouts were next. But her dream of playing on the high school team was crushed on the day of tryouts. The former coach kept his promise.
On the first day of tryouts, he told Ann that she would not make the team. For the first time in her life, sports made her cry. Arriving home from work, I found her in her bedroom in tears, and I listened to her story. I called the head coach.
“The assistant coach cut Ann because she’s slow,” Coach explained, adding, “He also said she has no stamina.” I recited her cross-country record and gave him phone numbers of past coaches.
The head coach gave Ann a try-out, and she made the team. The assistant coach was fired that day.
Softball tryouts came in the spring. She made the junior varsity, helping the team to a city championship. In the annual JV vs varsity game, Ann stood out. The varsity coach gave her a wink and said, “Make sure you try out next year. “ The next spring she made varsity. It was extremely rare for a sophomore to make the team. She became the first player off the bench that year. The coach told her he was grooming her to replace the graduating second baseman.
But life can change quickly. The varsity coach decided to retire.
That season, the girls basketball coach became the new coach. With zero softball experience, this coach had a reputation for having favorites. Plus, she brought four of her basketball team members with her. These girls had little or no experience. Nonetheless, without even a tryout they were given starting positions. One of those positions belonged to our daughter, remember, the “coach’s dream.”
Now Ann was “the girl at the end of the bench.” All season, she waited for a chance to play. When the rare chance came it was never at the position she had trained for. Yet she shined every game anyway: shoes shined, uniform sparkling, helmet polished. That’s what players do, even the girl at the end of the bench.
During Ann’s senior year, the situation worsened, as did the team. She knew what was happening. Before the game lineup was announced, our daughter had already taken her place at the end of the bench. One day after not playing, her team lost again. Sports made her cry for the second time. Ann told me that three of the girls lost their positions. They sat with her on the bench and said they had enough and were going to quit the team.
“Dad, should I quit too?” my daughter asked tearfully.
I reached deep into my experience, as an athlete and student, as a business and family man, and especially from my years in the Army.
“Quitting never solves a problem,“ I explained. “But quitting can become a habit and an easy out.”
I added, “Plus, you’ll be labeled a quitter, Ann.”
So, the girl at the end of the bench stayed, endured the bad season … and learned a life lesson. Ann went on to college, then earned a master’s degree and a PhD in a difficult program. She’s also the married mother of three children. She’s teaching them a grandfather’s lessons of perseverance, not giving up, hard work, dedication, and love for what you do. Ann knows that if her children learn this, their end won’t be on a bench but a successful, happy life.
Mike Perea is a local writer. After retirement, Mike and his wife, Cathy, moved to Temecula to enjoy the community and amenities of wine country living. Edited by Cynthia Culp Allen.
* Daughter’s name changed.
Mike can be reached through: cynthia@reedermedia.com.
