Tim O’Leary
Writer
This is a story about friendships and how vastly different lives can drift together, apart and then back again.
I have but a bit part in this tale, a mere fly on a wall covered by a colorful tapestry. I am blessed to write about the people who carve paths through our shared places. Jeff Comerchero is at the core of this chronicle. Alongside him is E.J. Radford, a lifelong Temecula resident who has quietly, but boldly, broken barriers in a unique transition from a “she” to a “they.”
So now, kind readers, may I introduce you to their forthcoming book titled: “The Old Man & the Queer – The transformative story of a retired mayor and the barber who freed him from bigotry.”

Jeff is the old man. E.J., or Eli, as they has become known, is the queer.
Let me begin with Jeff. He is a descendant of Jewish Holocaust survivors who grew up poor as he was raised by a single mother. He survived the Vietnam War, worked a series of odd jobs, became the “boy wonder of the toy industry,” and then accomplished great deeds amid a meteoric rise in the worlds of business and regional government.
I watched and wrote as Jeff served Temecula as the fast-growing community coalesced into a city and evolved into one of Southern California’s shining stars.
I watched with awe as Jeff was named to the parks commission, elected to the City Council, repeatedly served as mayor, and played a key role as massive developments took shape and crucial public infrastructure projects were built.
Along the way, he crisscrossed the globe in such professional and political roles as CEO, consultant, aide to a county supervisor, investor and nonprofit chairman.
His wife, Pat, is an accomplished visionary who helped create, and still guides, Temecula’s award-winning children’s museum, Pennypickles Workshop.
Jeff and I would often cross paths at government and political functions. We formed a mutual respect for each other. Then I became a member of the club nobody wants to join – that of being a spousal caregiver for someone with a disease. In my case, the disease was dementia.
I spent nearly a decade caring for my sweet Margaret, whose decline from dementia forced her to leave our beloved nest. My spouse of nearly 22 years now lives in a care facility near Boston, close to her son and his extended family.
Her departure allowed me to reunite with my first love – writing. As it turns out, Jeff and Eli have been toying with my mistress.
Jeff, 77, served a total of 25 years in various government roles. Eli, who is 25, stayed out of the public eye while growing up in Temecula and spending short stints in Hawaii and San Diego. Given the name Elizabeth at birth, Eli is now taking testosterone and transitioning to male.
Eli is a barber who lives with Faith and is a step-parent to her child. Jeff and Eli first crossed paths when the retired mayor got a haircut at a new shop in town and wondered to himself whether the other cutter was a man or a woman. In addition to being puzzled, Jeff was aghast at the other barber’s tattoos and body piercings.
Feeling convicted by his own prejudices, Jeff subsequently swapped barbers in the shop and embarked upon a journey of discovery. He and Eli have since forged a tight friendship, and now they have parented a book that is a blend of autobiographies and crossover chronicles.
My takeaway from reading a downloaded version is that the 246-page effort – which includes an array of photos – is engaging, entertaining and enlightening.
The self-published book is available on Amazon or, if you are interested, you can probably meet Jeff and Eli and buy a copy at a local event. I’ll try to keep you posted as to where and when they occur.
I’ll let Jeff take over from this point on. He wrote this excerpt after their second encounter:
In my youth, if you called someone queer it was sure to start a fight. Apparently, the word has come full circle and queer has become acceptable to use, especially in their own culture… Even at that early stage of our growing friendship, I was beginning to realize that different didn’t mean wrong. Basic stuff, right? Unfortunately many people don’t see life that way. I may have been one of those people, but I knew I didn’t want to be. I needed a catalyst, and for me that took the form of a young, queer barber… When I went home after that second haircut, I realized it was no longer about shedding my biases, it was about finding a friend. From that day on, I found myself looking forward to our appointments.
I’ll let another of Jeff’s excerpts bring this story to a close now.
My education began with that first haircut appointment and continues each time Eli and I get together… I wish I could say I fully understand this gender issue now, but I still don’t. I have learned enough to know that those who are in the LGBTQ+ community deserve the same love and support we all need in our lives.